


Head of The Snakes

by TheSnapeWeCanDreamOf (TheGuardian219)



Series: Mug!Verse AU [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dramatic, Gen, Good Severus Snape, Good Slytherins, House unity, Overly Dramatic, Pettiness, Petty, SLytherins always win, Severus Snape-centric, a little ooc, my take on humor, no corporal punishment, they get it from severus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 04:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14609838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGuardian219/pseuds/TheSnapeWeCanDreamOf
Summary: The House of Slytherin is a house of secrets. How he punishes his students is between him and them. On the wake of losing their best Head of House, the Slytherins revolt by being too nice, too stoic, too polite, depending on who they were trying to unhinge. Enemies of the snakes beware for they are not above pettiness and drama.A snake could be courageous as a lion, clever as a raven and loyal as a badger, they just need the correct motivation.





	Head of The Snakes

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to make this a series. This is some sort of challenge for me because humor really isn't something I pride myself in having in abundance but I decided to take it by throat and force it to vomit its funny contents by force. Don't take things so seriously, heaven knows I don't. The characters are a bit OOC but I guess that's to be expected. Hope you enjoy, any criticism is welcomed below.

“You are too lenient on them, Severus.”

He tightened his grip on his cup of coffee, willing the caffeine to hit because it really was too early for these sort of meetings.

“How I discipline my house is my own business, Minerva.” 

“The board has issued an inquiry on discipline techniques used by Heads of Houses after a Hufflepuff nearly killed himself by breaking the rules.” She continued as if she never heard him. It was offending, to say the least. “I see no reason why I am being the one interrogated if it’s Pomona’s house under fire.”

“I did say I never saw Hemming as the type to leave caution to the wind.” The herbologist defended herself. “Such a sweet boy, he never let anyone talk him to such foolishness before.”

Why were they having such meetings in this ungodly hour? This could have easily been made during lunch where everybody is awake and not on the verge of hexing each other. Albus was a sadist, he really was.

“We are not here to point fingers.” The devil speaks, “We are here to inform you four that in three days time, members of the board will be conducting interviews with the heads, as well as other staff members. They will also interview random students to garner a wider view, so to speak.” It was a mystery how the old coot maintained that damned twinkle in his eyes this early. He was most definitely a sadist, enjoying the pain he inflicts on his subordinates.

Severus cursed once again. “I still remain mystified as to why this meeting could not be conducted during lunch or even the evening.” He mumbled.

“A fresh mind is better at making better ideas.” 

“And why do we exactly need ideas, Albus?” Flitwick asks, he was holding a mug similar to Severus. He had a suspicion it contained something stronger.

“The disciplining methods of the four houses differ for each person. While the board will make sure that they interview at least one for each house, the students will remain in the dark on what happens behind other common room doors and as such, may spread false information unwittingly.” His gaze pierced Severus. He raised an eyebrow at the Headmaster.

“Your subtlety is remarkable.” He sneered, “I am not worried about my students. The others may say what they will, I do not care in the slightest.”

“The board may find your bias to your house, a  _ bit  _ too much.” Minerva glanced at him. Oh she didn’t know the half of it.

“I am their Head of House. I will stand up for them against the whole school if  have to but I know how to keep them in line. If you’ve forgotten, the House Cup has resided in my office for seven consecutive years.” He stopped himself before he got to one of his Potter Rants, it was too early for that.

“Yes, and now it resides in mine. I’m willing to bet, for the next seven consecutive years, if not longer.” Minerva just had to push his buttons. Favoritism his pale, bony ass. He sneered at her.

“Come on now, no need to have a spat this early.” Pomona tried to calm them down. “What do you think the Governors will ask, Albus?”

“If I may, I think it’s more important to know what we  _ could _ do. There’s really not much we can do within three days. And the students will suspect that we are trying to hide something if we acted differently around them. Surely the board will notice those.” Ah Flitwick, the voice of reason of this meeting.

“I fail to see the point of brainstorming. You can’t change years of discipline and expect the students to accept it and then sing your praises to the board. Honesty is our best bet.” Pomona eyed her colleagues. “It’s not much of what we can do before the interview but rather, what we can do  _ after. _ ”

“Damage control?” Minerva raised her eyebrow at Albus. “Just what can happen if the board deemed one of us lacking in their disciplinary techniques?”

“Or in abundance.” He sneered at the voice.

“Probation most likely, they don’t have the power to dismiss professors though they may issue a complaint.”

“And just who will they issue the complaint to? Themselves? What is even the point of this, its just a farce to give them some semblance of control in the school.” He sneered. ALbus has all the power, there was no reason to delude themselves into believing they could rein in the most powerful wizard alive. “Now, now Severus. The board has the right to check into the school and make sure everything is running smoothly. They do control our budget,” Albus chuckled.

Flitwick cocked his head to the side, “Will the questioning focus on how we discipline our own houses and the perception of students outside of it or will it be about how we deal out punishment as a whole.”

“Both. The board wanted to be thorough.”

Severus groaned, classes will be interrupted, the students were bound to cause more trouble because of the  _ visitors _ , and he was quite sure that he would be grilled. Did yelling at Longbottom and Potter equated this cruelty?

Contrary to what his fellows have been concerned about, he wasn’t worried in the slightest. Oh the other houses would talk quite  _ splendidly _ about his apparent favoritism of his own house, he was quite capable of defending himself against  _ interrogators.  _ If he survived Alastor Moody’s hospitality in Azkaban, facing some snob elites would be a walk in the park. An exhausting walk in the smouldering sun while being harassed but a walk nonetheless.

* * *

 

Why did this keep happening to him?

“Severus, what did you say to the board of governors?” Albus asked behind his half-moon glasses. Sitting on the other side of the headmaster’s table, listening to that tone of voice reminded him of unpleasant times of being a student once again. He shuddered. The other three heads looked at him with something akin to exasperation.

“I explained that how I discipline my house is between my students and myself and that we have an agreement of never speaking of such things outside the dungeons.”

He could hear several palms meeting faces. Was it his fault that his house values privacy?

“In that precise wording?”

“More or less.” He glanced at his potion-stained hands absent-mindedly.

“And about your discipline methods on the other houses?”

“Oh they’ve gathered enough material for that. I merely elaborated on why I punished offenders thusly.”

Pomona bit her lip while Filius shook his head. Minerva remained emotionless. “And you say my lions are the ones always seeking trouble.”

“I didn’t seek out trouble. I was enjoying my peaceful afternoon when trouble came seeking me out reeking of the need for retribution. Was the list of interviewees as random as you thought, Albus?” He raised his black eyes to the blue. “Not by much, no.”

He already knew of the students who have been interviewed, there was no need to ask for names. “I don’t understand why it worries you all so much. I chose the honest approach as we’d agreed upon.”

Minerva raised her brow at him, incredulous and exasperated, “You failed to discuss your methods of punishment for your house. That should ring some alarm bells, shouldn’t it?”

“I very much hope so. A former Death Eater punishing what people believe to be the next batch of baby Death Eaters, what a horrifying scenario indeed.”

“Now, Severus-”

“I had anticipated that they would be alarmed that an ex-Death Eater doling out punishment to such innocent youths behind closed doors, that’s why I chose to be honest. I could have lied to their face and it would have matched any tale my slytherins have probably said to them.”

Filius looked at him, “You’re alarming  _ us  _ now. Why would you have a perfect lie that would align with anything your students have said?” Severus knew the head of Ravenclaw wasn’t asking because of his lack of trust. 

“It is not an outright lie, Filius. We have an agreement, as I stated, that none but Slytherins are privy to such information. Even then, they had to have explicit permission to know.”

“I find myself curious about your methods, Severus. Should it cause alarm?”

“Of course, not Headmaster. I do not, nor will I ever will, use corporal punishment to discipline any student.” He’s had too much memories of those to last him a lifetime. He doesn’t need to know what it feels to be on the other end, if he could help it. His days as a death eater would last him several lifetimes, in fact.

No one seemed to want to breach the silence. The decision of the board would would be announced in half an hour. Oh joy.

Oh joy indeed. He has been in The Dark Lord’s court,  _ spied  _ in said court, he has experienced the horrors of dementors and the inhuman interrogation in azkaban. He will not break under here, of all places.

Here, refers to the Headmaster’s office, and his interrogators were the representatives of the board of governors, and playing as the  _ good cop  _ were his colleagues.

“I am sure your slytherins would understand. It is your Headship on the line, Severus. Surely you see that this would all be pointless should you be stripped of your title as Head of House.” Minerva cajoled him. “Minerva, I will not breach the trust I have fostered with my house for more than a decade because the board of governors see me too  _ lenient _ on them.”

“Professor Snape, you are not helping your case by not giving us the methods of your punishment. Surely you see our concern when an authority figure does not wish to disclose his method of punishment for children under his care.”

“Then why not ask them, then? Surely you can spare us all the trouble of trying to convince me, I would sooner drown myself in a couldron”

“We need statement both from the students and yourself.”

“Then tell me the statement and I will confirm or deny.”

They were going in circles. Have been for the last quarter hour. He stood his ground and remained seated, his arms crossed and his eyes hard. He should be brewing potions for the infirmary about now. If they have a sudden breakout of something, he’d be sure to inconvenience the board as much as he could.

The representatives talked in a corner, seeming to wilt under the strain. He smirked, it quickly dropped under the gaze of his colleagues. “Must you be so difficult, Severus” Albus asked and he only looked at the Headmaster

“Credit where credit is due, I can respect you for not giving your student’s secrets away.” The charms professor said under his breath. “Their secrets could not harm anyone but themselves should it be made known to the wrong people.”

“I’m sure speaking in vague terms will be more trouble for you than for them.” Pomona said.

“I learned from the best.” He glanced at Albus and all agreed with him.

* * *

 

“Under probation? What did those Gryffindors say?”

The Slytherin common room burst into chatter after their head of house left their common room. He was not going to be their head of house for long if this situation is not dealt with properly. He had gathered his prefects and announced an emergency house meeting and everyone scrambled to get into the dungeons. He then informed them that he was under probation and will most likely be stripped of his duties as head of house if the board of governors should deem him unacceptable.

“It’s not that actually.” The sixth year prefect met the eyes of his fellow housemates before looking at the door, feeling as if Snape would storm back in and demand his silence.

“Don’t tell the professor,” All eyes were on him, that sentence would always get them in trouble one way or another. “I overheard McGonagall complaining to Sprout that the board found his punishments for other houses...justified.” He squeaked out. It was a rather entertaining moment, if he could say so himself. The disbelief in the Deputy’s voice would be insulting if it weren’t so amusing. The Professor deals out horrible punishments, true, but only if you dislike dismembering and chopping up potions ingredients and scrubbing couldrons. And students do learn things during those detentions. He has long suspected that those detentions always have ulterior motives in them. It was such a shame the professor called for his prefects at those moments and not a moment later, he was about to hear what McGonagall would say about the constant fear he inspires among the students. Particularly how scaring a certain gryffindor is considered justified by the board.

“It was more of the way he punishes us, or lack of punishment in the eyes of other houses, that has the Governors miffed.”

“But he does punish us!”

“The Professor has kept his word and hadn’t spoken about those. That’s way their putting pressure on them.” His counterpart informed them. “You have to understand that it does not inspire confidence when a professor doesn’t reveal his methods of punishments to authorities.”

As much as they’d like to whine about being unfair, they could see the logic to it. They weren’t gryffindors who people think are fueled by kindness and chivalry.

“But that’s not fair, why didn’t they ask any of us?” A first year asked at the back.

“They did interview several members of our house but without the Professors word, it is considered void.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Why wouldn’t he just tell us then?”

They looked at eachother. They haven’t figured out why Snape refused to say the reason for his punishment. He would have gotten their permission and all this drama wouldn’t even begin.

Silence blanketed the house of the snakes. “My father will hear about this.” Malfoy’s voice cut across the room and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Wait, “That could actually be a good thing. He wasn’t part of the board who interviewed us.”

This could work.

“I’ll inform my sister!”

“My uncle could give a few words about the issue.”

They all had relatives who had been under Snape or knew him enough and while they could go on for hours about the dourness and harshness of the professor, Slytherins always stick up for one another, mostly because Snape made sure they did.

“I have an idea.” Smith was one of the troublemakers in Slytherin. While other professors rarely caught him, Snape always manages to find out. “Don’t look at me like that. I heard Ravenclaws talking about protests back in the day.” They weren’t above using tactics from others to further their goals. The means justify the ends as the sorting hat describes them.

Their Head of House was Snape, how else would they face this problem.

* * *

 

Dramatic. Overly-dramatic. Dumbledore glanced at the students behind his spectacles and found himself slightly amused. Only a day before they all cracked.

The evening after Severus informed his House of the Board’s decision, a handful of owls came swooping down during dinner to the Slytherin table. The students did not looked surprised but they did carry an air of smugness in them.

“What have they done now?” Severus mumbled beside him. He was not allowed to act as a Head unless his students sought him out so he had no means of knowing what his little snakes have planned. His tone suggested he knew it would happen but Albus suspected he did not anticipate all likely scenarios.

Dumbledore enjoyed a good game of chess every once in awhile, he tried to anticipate how the Slytherins would react as their king has been checked. What would Severus do?

The Gryffindors were having a smug air about them as well. Snape was not allowed to take points or assign detentions without the approval of another head during his probation. A look in the Slytherins confused them. Why would those buggers be so happy about Snape’s condition? 

Maybe his own house doesn’t even like him.

It seemed that that evening was the calm before the storm. As the whole castle slumbered, the first domino fell.

Does being dramatic sort you into Slytherin or does being in Slytherin make you dramatic? Albus didn’t know wether to laugh or give a detention to a whole house. The rage in Severus’ face assured him that he was right in his assessment the night before and the Potions Master hadn’t anticipated this outcome at all. No one did, in fact.

Severus didn’t know what to say. It started out simple enough. The first class of Gryffindor and Slytherin had been like any other, minus the fact that the Gryffindors are testing the waters and had been more  _ explosive  _ than usual. His scathing remark of talking to McGonagall before the day is done put a dampen into their mood while the Slytherins remained as they always had been. Or not. They had been behaved during his class, too behaved actually.He classed it as being respectful to him due to his probation but no, it was a message and only now did he saw it for what it was.

From what he heard from Filius, his Slytherns had gone on a warpath. From first years to seventh years they had done nothing but be trouble. From being overly,  _ disgustingly _ , nice to Minerva to shrieking terrors of doom for Sybill and cool silence for Sprout, his little demons came and tried their best to unhinge the staff in the most cunning way. They only behaved in his presence and his alone. Even the Headmaster remarked on how he was baffled as the Slytehrins greeted him jovially in the corridors. It was a known fact that he has not gained any warmth from them after snatching the House Cup from the Slytherins to award it to the valiance of the Golden Gryffindors.

They weren’t just unhinging the staff, even the students were getting alarmed. It was as if they woke up and was transported to another reality. He couldn’t quite understand how they could balance an act for a professor to an act for their fellow schoolmates. 

While being stoic at Herbology, Hufflepuffs reported being unnerved by the politeness of Slytherins while Ravenclaws were complaining about how almost all Slytherins were raising their hands to McGonagall question with the most sickening smiles on their faces. Other houses were deemed far too traumatizing to repeat in polite company.

He, of course, being locked in the dungeon for half a day only heard of it by whispers from different years as they went to his classroom though their whisperings stopped when they noticed his glare at them thus not being able to piece everything together. Until he entered the Great Hall for lunch in the faculty entrance.

There wasn’t a Slytherin at sight. “What in blazes?” He stood once again to look for his wayward charges.He did not need another interrogation session with those pesky Governors. “You haven’t heard Severus?” Minerva asked,her lips drawn to a thin line. Albus was missing from the table as well as Filius.

“Heard what?” 

“Your Slytherins have shown their displeasure in creative ways.” Pomona indicated to the closed doors of the Great Hall. “What have they done now?”

They filled him in on what has been happening in their classroom, the other members of the staff were all but happy to complain to him about the strange behavior. He found himself oddly proud at such cunning yet annoyed because this was a little bit too dramatic even for him.

He stood up and walked purposely down to the closed doors of the Hall, eyes of the students tracking his movements. He opened it forcefully and was met with a sight that inspired a headache to wrap around his head. “What the devil is going on here?” He glared at his slytherins, all sat on the floor, not caring for their precious robes.

Albus turned to him calmly. “It appears your house is in some sort of strike.”

He glared at them and they had the decency to look sheepish. “It’s a hunger strike professor, we read about it in the library.” Smith remarked, meeting his gaze with fear and respect.

“You’re eating.” He ground out. Blankets have been laid out and food was spread generously among them. “The elves love us.” Oh they will be paying for that cheek later when this damn probation ends.

“Excuse him professor,” Malfoy elbowed his classmate. “What he means is that the elves care very deeply for the students. They would not allow any to go hungry.” Like father, like son. Malfoy’s eyes dared the Headmaster to order the elves to withdraw the food unless they go into the Great Hall. “This is all allowed in the Handbook. The students are allowed to show any kind of protests unless it causes harm for others in the school.” Parkinson added.

“You have acted atrociously to your professors.”

“But we were polite to professor McGonagall.”

“We answered Professor sprouts questions and did as she asked.”

“We were  _ extremely  _ behaved for Professor Vector’s classes.”

“No insult were thrown in Professor Trelawney’s class nor at herself.”

Severus’ eye twitched and they paused. They were in trouble. Big trouble. “Well?” Severus turned to Albus. “Well, what Severus?”

“Will you allow such insolence to go under this school? I am not allowed to dole out punishments and I fear I am much too vexed to be objective in proposing anything.” 

The Slytherins all but wanted to flee. Self-preservation was one of their key traits.

Albus’ eyes twinkled, “Everything they had done have not breached any rules. They haven’t interrupted classes, they haven’t caused harm for students. I rather think it is a peaceful protest, the most peaceful one in over a century.” The Slytherins nodded, showing that they have all been paying attention regardless of pretending to be occupied by the food. 

An owl flew by and hovered by Albus until he took the parchment. It didn’t wait for any treats nor any replies. “Well, I have good news for you Severus.”

He held the gaze of the potions master and and grinned. “The Board is coming in half an hour to interview your students, and yourself. They put an emphasis on how the decision was made rashly and they apologize. Deeply.” Albus bit his lip to hide his amusement. It was a rather  _ entertaining  _ letter. He had no doubt that relatives of the students have owled the board and pestered them. 

“Well, children. Classes would be cancelled for the rest of the day once more to accommodate our visitors once again. I suggest we continue our lunch , in the Great Hall, the corridor is no place for a picnic.”

The Slytherins rose as one, smug and triumphant and avoiding the glare of their Head of House.

“I should have known you’d have something underneath your sleeves, Severus. you do not act without any plans after all.” There was almost a mocking tone in his voice though he’d deny it. “I admit that I was quite assured that the students words would be enough and if it fails, their whining would lead to their parents and they could pester the Board to madness. I hadn’t quite seen just how toublemsome and impertinent they could be.”

“Slytherin cunning at it’s finest, indeed.”

“I learned from the best.” His intense stare pierced Dumbledore and the elder chuckled.

He led his professor back to the hall before looking at all the food spread about. Filius glanced about. They weren’t in the usual menu for students, that was for sure, the slytherins knew how to ruffle feathers and their flare for the dramatic was cranked up to eleven.

And he thought the Hufflepuffs could get huffy when one of their own was attacked.

Courage of a lion, loyalty of a badger and cleverness of a raven; Severus could have done worse than to mold these students in his image. A little too  dramatic perhaps,but that’s part of the fun.

The Slytherins gave their explicit permission to have their punishments discussed and severus was willing to finally cooperate. Random slytherins were called in for interview along with all the prefects. Severus gave an almost exact account of such punishments and Minerva had the urge to hex her fellow head, all this trouble for this?

The board expressed similar sentiments and left after lifting the probation. 

“Honestly Severus, that wasn’t as controversial as you’d let us believed.” Sprout said before sipping her tea. After the board left, the heads decided that they all needed to discuss what happened.

“It’s not my fault you had such active imaginations.” He said under his Slytherin Green mug.

“Cleaning their bedrooms, time-outs for firsties, taking out the trash! Why couldn’t you have said so in the first place, it would have spared everybody the pain of dealing with your vexed house.” Minerva all but growled. “I kind of see where Severus is coming from. His is a house of pride, with so many purebloods acting like house elves, give that information to another and all hell would break loose just so they could spare their pride.” Filius glanced at his colleague. “Though I never imagined that’s how you keep them in line.”

“My house stands together, I hammer that thought early on among my students.With the majority of the school looking for their blood, they’d need all the support they can get. I don’t give them punishment in public but everything they do that warrants a punishment, they get in the common room.” His intense stare was met by Minerva’s. “Then I was right then, you are too lenient on them.”

Snape smirked, “Of course not, from the selected students, the most troublesome has not been interviewed. It was all tame, I assure you.”

“What is the worse punishment you’ve given?” A;bus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Now that would be telling. Let’s just say that the Slytherin Alumni under my tenure have the most interesting stories to tell in reunions.”

“Just a clue Severus, after dealing with your class, I think we’ve earned a treat.” Pomona cajoled him. 

“Put it simply that my snakes can be children under my common room. While I won’t say the actual punishment, it did include cornish pixies, paint, flobberworms and a towel. And I assure you, for this stunt those little devils won’t know what hit them.”

“Take it easy on them, Severus. They did defend you.”

“Oh this is going easy.”

* * *

 

During dinner news spread about the Slytherin Revolt and the house of the Serpents walked in with an air of smugness among them. The evil glint in their eye assured the other houses that any kindness they’ve witnessed would not be repeated tomorrow and some of them breathed a sigh of relief.

As the food appeared, the Slytherins drank as one, their green mugs displaying to the world that  _ “Slytherins always win.” _

“I see they still have those mugs Severus.” Minerva did a double-take as she watched Severus lower his  _ green  _ mug back to the table. Severus smirked, “The first task of the seventh years is to provide a mug for the first years and explain the history.” Filius was smothering his laughter as he remembered that particular history. They have been informed that the students wrote to their parents about the Board’s decision immediately and made sure to write all the representatives their  _ plea _ to reconsider. At night. Severus had wrangled the plan from his students and he informed them that the devious snakes organized a schedule for each student that would allow the owls to arrive every fifteen minutes give or take, thus disturbing the person and not giving them a moment of peace.

“It’s become some sort of tradition among us and a token they get for being sorted into my house, a reminder if you will, once they go into the real world outside.” 

“I do wonder where they get their dramatic flare from.” Albus remarked as the Slytherins drank as one, mocking everyone in the room. Severus raised his brow as he drank.

After dinner, the Slytherins had  another House Meeting. Their smugness evaporated leaving uncertainty in their wake. Snape was a difficult person to read, even for them.

“The Headmaster has asked me to go easy on you, so I will.”

Spending the evening with the feared dungeon bat as they confessed their crimes seemed horrible to anyone, unless they were slytherins. They had also been assigned an essay on unity and avoiding something called groupthink and fanatics. But it was a peaceful evening as they sat around the fireplace recalling their brief dalliance with disobedience and pettiness. 

They all inwardly grinned as the professor made a show of finishing his mug of  _ something strong _ and revealed the message in the mug the young ones thought as a myth. 

_ “The Best Head of House supports his snakes.” _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This idea just won't leave me alone for days now and since I couldn't find something like it anywhere, I decided to just do it myself. Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
